"Immunity.” “Protein.” “Probiotic.” “Superfruit.” "Multigrain.” “Simply.” “Made with.” Lately, it seems like food marketers' bag of healthyish buzzwords is bursting at the seams. Are they looking for a way to stand out in the crowd...or just trying to distract shoppers from their refined flour, sugar, or empty calories?

Cauliflower con

"CRUST made with Cauliflower," says Marie Callender's new Chicken Pot Pie. The finer print tells another story: "a golden crust made with wheat and cauliflower."

Turns out, the crust has more white flour than cauliflower purée. How much more? The label doesn't say.

But a 14 oz. pie has a hefty 86 grams of carbs. Ounce for ounce, that's no fewer carbs than Marie's regular chicken pot pie. And the "cauliflower" pot pie has only a smidge (1 gram) more fiber.

Foods like "riced" or mashed cauliflower can help you replace starchy and refined carbs like white rice or white potatoes. But mixing cauliflower purée into a thick flour crust is only helping Conagra make an 810-calorie pot pie with 80 percent of a day's saturated fat look healthy.

Flimsy support

"IMMUNE SUPPORT," shouts Naked Orange Carrot Mango. "Vitamins C & A to help maintain healthy immune function."

Naked's 15 oz. fruit juice smoothie supplies 100 percent of a day's vitamin C and 90 percent of a day's vitamin A for 220 calories.

You'd also get that much A and C from plenty of whole foods. A cup of carrot sticks or cooked spinach has 100 percent of a day's vitamin A. And a cup of strawberries or cooked broccoli has a full day's C. (Each has around 50 calories—a better deal than juice.)

And unless you're deficient in A or C, eating more foods rich in those vitamins is unlikely to ward off infections.

It's no wonder claims like "supports immunity" or "maintains immune function" are everywhere. As long as companies don't name a disease or condition, they can make claims about how a food affects the structure or function of the body with little oversight by the Food and Drug Administration.

And if people assume that "immune support" means a juice will "defend against" or "help fight" Covid? Odds are, that's okay with Naked.

Protein puffery

A 7 oz. Stonyfield Organic Superfruit High Protein Parfait has 16 grams of protein, but it comes with 12 grams (3 teaspoons) of added sugar and 250 calories.

A 6 oz. (¾-cup) serving of plain low-fat Greek yogurt has the same protein...with half the calories.

Truth be told, any real Greek (strained) yogurt has at least the 10 grams of protein per 6 oz. that the FDA requires for "high protein" claims on yogurt.

So why bother slapping "high protein" on a sugary granola plus Greek yogurt with more added sugar than any of its "superfruits"? Simple. It sells.

Want a high-protein parfait? Build your own with plain low-fat Greek yogurt, unsweetened fruit, and a lower-sugar cereal. Sold!

Fauxgurt

Target's Good & Gather Probiotic Fruit & Yogurt Trail Mix has white-coated "yogurt-flavored cranberries" and "Greek-style yogurt confectionery chips."

Yogurt-flavored? Greek-style? Confectionery?

Translation: The main ingredients in the "yogurt" are sugar and palm oil, not its "Greek yogurt powder." That helps explain why cup of the mix packs 18 grams (4½  teaspoons) of added sugar.

Faux "yogurt" is one of the oldest buzzwords in the food company playbook. Apparently, it still works.

"Probiotic" is newer. But in many cases—like the BC30 in this trail mix—the evidence that the microbes can do much for your health is unimpressive.

Simply sugar water

Why are buzzwords like "simple" or "simply" such a gold mine? Because they sound good...yet they mean, well, nothing.

Take "all natural" Simply Peach. You might think it's simply peach juice—just like the brand's Simply Orange is 100 percent OJ. Nope.

A clue: The teensy pale "juice drink" below its name. Unless you look above the Nutrition Facts on the back of the bottle, you'd never know that Simply Peach is just 17 percent juice (peach plus lemon). That leaves 83 percent sugar water. So each 100-calorie cup has 5 teaspoons of added sugar.

Simply Watermelon and Simply Mixed Berry juice drinks are only 10 percent juice.

Whole fruit is low in calorie density (calories per bite) and full of intact plant cells that you chew (so you feel full). Juice drinks—even real juices—can't do that. So why not buy a simple peach, a simple watermelon, or a simple pint of berries instead?

Something fishy

"3g of sugar per bag," say Smart Sweets Sweet Fish. Gummies, chocolates, bars, cookies, and other sweets with just 1, 2, or 3 grams of sugar now abound. Can you have your candy and eat it too?

Smart Sweets replaces added sugar with allulose and monk fruit extract. So a 1.8 oz. bag has just 3 grams of sugar, a tiny fraction of the 38 grams you'd get in 1.8 oz. of the classic Swedish Fish candy.

But Smart Sweets also has processed soluble corn fiber, poorly digested carbs (isomalto-oligosaccharides), and modified starch. So it still has an empty 100 calories—less than the 180 in Swedish Fish, but not a free ride.

Lower sugar? Yes. Smart? Their marketing team sure is.

Oiltella

Repeat after us: "Multigrain" may sound like "whole grain," but it only means "more than one grain."

Take a Nutella & Go! pack's "multigrain sticks with oat & blueberries." The sticks have more enriched (aka white) flour than oat flakes...and more sugar, palm oil, and salt than blueberries.

Why bother?

And don't forget the star of the show. The Nutella "hazelnut spread" has more sugar and palm oil than hazelnuts...so each 270-calorie snack pack delivers 5 grams of saturated fat (a quarter of a day's max) plus 5 teaspoons of added sugar.

Nutella has buzzwords figured out. If at first you do deceive, try, try again.

Superfood scam

Chia, quinoa, kale, spinach, berries. You name it, they sell.

So anytime you spot a buzzy ingredient plastered on a front label, head to the ingredient list for a fact-check.

Late July Organic Chia & Quinoa Crackers don't pass the test. Their main grain—the first ingredient—isn't quinoa. It's "wheat flour" (and not even "whole-grain" wheat flour).

In fact, the fiber-poor, protein-poor crackers have more of the flour, sunflower and/or safflower oil, and palm oil than their namesake chia seeds or quinoa.

We're guessing "Organic Refined Flour & Oil Crackers" didn't make it past the focus groups.