“Join our Unlimited Sip Club and enjoy endless NEW Charged Lemonades, coffees, teas, and soda,” says Panera’s website. “Now more sips!”

Yes, because if there’s one thing most of us need, it’s more sugary-drink calories that don’t curb your appetite. For just $10.99 a month, Panera is opening the floodgates. So health conscious!

Take those Charged Lemonades. They’re “plant-based, clean caffeine powered by guarana and green coffee extract.” (What? No “dirty” caffeine?)

Without ice, a 20 oz. “regular” Mango Yuzu Citrus has 330 calories—more than the 240 calories in a 20 oz. Coke—thanks to its 83 grams (20 teaspoons) of total sugar.

That includes the added sugars in its table sugar and agave nectar and the (no-healthier) naturally occurring sugar in its apple juice concentrate.

A 30 oz. “large” Mango Yuzu Citrus hits 500 calories and 30 teaspoons of total sugar. (And, flavoring aside, the Mangos are mango-free!)

The large Strawberry Lemon Mint and Fuji Apple Cranberry each has 400 calories and 23 teaspoons of total sugar.

Bonus: All three flavors deliver roughly 260 milligrams of caffeine in a regular. A large has 390 mg. That’s what you’d get in four or five (8 oz.) cups of coffee.

At least you can get Coke and coffee with no calories, sugar, or caffeine. “Endless” Charged Lemonades? No such luck.